Life Lately…Sucks.

time to get a little real. last weekend I spent time cleaning out quite a bit of my mother’s apartment. getting it ready for the landlord to take back, renovate & jack up the price to about 5k or so. I get a lot of shit when people dig into why I didn’t keep it. people don’t ask for a full story there and so I let them think i’m the bad guy. I am not. there were legally binding contracts that my name was never added to. I choose not to fight. I don’t want the apartment. no matter the situation.

I am tired of pretending life was perfect in that apartment. the fleeting moments of good are forever overshadowed by horrors. real credible horrors that I needed therapy for. I don’t write this in spite. I write this for understanding. no money or gifts given to me as I grew up changed that life was not as it seemed.

in the Hispanic culture, we are trained to always be quiet about things. never share details. it’s a detriment to how children then grow up. I hoped that one day I’d get more answers to the decisions she made. I never will now and reconcile with that. I know a lot of things I won’t share. I take a lot with me to the grave. i’m happy I won’t have children. it stops here. this branch in the tree needs a redo. it d*es with me. i’m gonna let my cousin and his beautiful family breathe life into my mother’s given name.

on the 31st I give up my keys and I let my childhood fade away. I will keep the good but make no mistake that the bad has shaped and formed me and I’ll forever be working on myself because of it. I am not the bad guy for choosing myself. choosing my mental health above all else. I earned that.

2025 I finally welcome a life fully mine. next year I get to figure out who I am in this new realm.

life lately…is hard.